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Yang Jiang: Zou dao rensheng bian shang - zi wen zi da

ISBN: 978-7-100-05610-6, 9787100056106
[62.0004]
0



书名: 走到人生边上——自问自答
作者: 杨绛 
ISBN: 978-7-100-05610-6
出版社: 商务印书馆
页数: 191
开本: 大32开
装订: 平
出版日期: 2007-09-01
版印次: 1-3



二○○五年一月六日,我由医院出院,回三里河寓所。我是从医院前门出来的。如果由后门太平间出来,我就是“回家”了。
  躺在医院病床上,我直在思索一个题目:《走到人生边上》。一回家,我立即动笔为这篇文章开了一个头。从此我好像着了魔,给这个题目缠住了,想不通又甩不开。我寻寻觅觅找书看,从曾经读过的中外文书籍——例如《四书》《圣经》,到从未读过的,手边有的,或请人借的——例如美国白璧德(Irving Babbitt 1865—1933)的作品,法国布尔热(Paul Bourget 1852—1935)的《死亡的意义》。读书可以帮我思索,可是我这里想通了,那里又堵死了。
  年纪不饶人。我又老又病又忙。我应该是最清闲的人,既不管家事,又没人需我照顾。可是老人小辈多,小辈又生小辈,好朋友的儿女又都成了小一辈的朋友。承他们经常关心,近在北京、远在国外的,过年过节,总来看望我。我虽然闭门谢客,亲近的戚友和许许多多小辈们,随时可以冲进门来。他们来,我当然高兴,但是我的清闲就保不住了。
  至于病,与老年相关的就有多种,经常的是失眠、高血压、右手腱鞘炎不能写字等等。不能写字可以用脑筋,可是血压高了,失眠加剧,头晕晕地,就不能用脑筋,也不敢用脑筋,怕中风,再加外来的干扰,都得对付,还得劳心。
  《走到人生边上》这个题目,偏又缠住人不放。二OO五年我出医院后擅自加重降压的药,效果不佳,经良医为我调整,渐渐平稳。但是我如果这天精神好,想动笔写文章,亲友忽来问好,这半天就荒废了。睡不足,勉强工作,往往写半个字,另一半就忘了,查字典吧,我普通话口音不准,往往查不到,还得动脑筋拐着弯儿找。字越写越坏。老人的字爱结成一团,字不成字,我也快有打结子的倾向了。
  思路不通得换一条路再想,我如能睡个好觉,头脑清楚,我就呆呆地坐着转念头。吃也忘了,睡也忘了,一坐就是半天,往往能想通一些问题。真没想到我这一辈子,脑袋里全是想不通的问题。这篇短短的小文章,竟费了我整整两年半的时光。废稿写了一大叠,才写成了四万多字的《自问自答》。
  在思索的过程中,发现几个可写散文的题目。我写下了本文的草稿,就把这几篇散文写成《注释》,因为都是注释本文的。费心的是本文,是我和自己的老、病、忙斗争中挣扎着写成的。
  古罗马皇帝马可·奥勒留(Marcus Aurelius—12l—180)的《自省录》是他和邻邦交战中写成的。我的《自问自答》是我和自己的老、病、忙斗争中写成的。在斗争中挣扎着写,也不容易。拉一位古代的大皇帝作陪,聊以自豪吧!

                          九十六岁的杨绛
                       二○○七年八月十五晚

货号: 62.0004

This product was added to our catalog on Samstag 12 April, 2008.
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